Starving Artists: Starving Artists -> Musings about Anything and Everything

Young, handsome, charming, smart and addicted. Dead in his early twenties. Executed on the streets of the big city...probably a drug related death. Sounds like the beginning of a modern day story. Actually the end of the life of a person I knew and loved. He grew up with my children. From a mischievous, happy little boy to a young man with no happy ending. It happened around twenty years ago. We brought his body back for the last ceremonial farewell. Fare well, have a good journey, to where ever your destiny lies. That is when I wish I believed in reincarnation rather than eternal hellfire. My young, handsome, laughing, joking friend condemned to hellfire is a painful thought. I can only hope he had time to make peace with his Maker before the final lights out. He had an older brother who died a less dramatic but equally sad drug related death...AIDS.

My heart breaks all over remembering them. I am reminded of them while watching the young people who are determined to repeat the same mistakes. I have lived long enough to watch another generation of handsome, charming, smart, young people who played with my grandchildren in identical situations. And though they are not dead, I am intimately acquainted with the path they are following and my heart trembles with fear and is squeezed with the anticipated pain of loss. I have something now that I did not have then. A faith in a kind and generous God. It fortifies me and pulls me to my knees in fervent prayer for the protection and salvation of these young people and for the strength of the people who love them and want them to grow old and have the joys and happiness of a full life. It would be too sad to see it happen again.

That's my contemplation for this moment of time in my life. Sad and hopeful.

I will share some jewelry photos another time. Have not been particularly inspired as of late.

36/2988/97

Sometimes people talk about how nice it is on the SJA forum. Jen has done a superb job of maintaining a gentile and friendly atmosphere. We learn, share, exchange personal information, make friends and acquaintances to the degree that is comfortable for each of us.

The term "free" came into use. The supposition was that we are anonymous on the internet. We have the freedom to be ourselves. No one sees us face to face. I find that mildly amusing.

Actually, I am very tentative about expressing my views on many things. I play on a couple of different forums and a part of me stays in the background unless given "permission" to come forward.

I have religious beliefs that are considered offensive, political stands that are better left unspoken, stances on pro-life versus pro-choice, marriage, alternative life styles, sex, the death penalty, illegal aliens, health care insurance, euthanasia, international trade agreements, child abuse, government corruption, the war in Iraq, use of nuclear power, public welfare/ assistance, the judicial system, rights versus responsibilities, our president, our country, legalizing prostitution, gambling, marijuana and opinions on a myriad of other controversial subjects that I cannot think of right now. In my lifetime my opinions on everything under the sun have changed at least once and I suspect they will change several more times before I come before my maker.

I wouldn't express most of them here. Anonymity is not a safe guard against reproach...and no matter what you or I think about anything, others will disagree. Some might be offended and take it personally. Don't feel so free about being myself. Actually feel very cautious and restricted. But I can live with that as long as they let me play.

34/2891/131

I am amazed at the how quickly a month has gone by. I guess blogging has lost some of its charm.

I turned 63 this month. It is an odd age in that once you reach 60 you are officially old...it sounds old. I have all the aches and pains I have worked hard to earn, but I do not feel old in my spirit. I hope I never do. When I look at myself in the mirror, I feel very detached from that face, the grey hair, the oldness in general. Each time I look into the mirror I expect to see a much younger woman there...unless I prepare myself (and yes I sometimes do), it is kind of a shock. Then little by little, I bring some semblance of youthfulness to my appearance. Comb the hair back off my face and mousse it into a "style", spritz on some "spicy" perfume, put on some sassy jewelry, and apply some sassy lipstick that probably makes too much of a statement since I have a small cupid's bow mouth.

I'm not really complaining about being old, I am saying that I am shocked that I am old. I'm actually very comfortable with and accepting of where I am in life. I am pretty happy most of the time, surprised that I have a good solid marriage, have found that God is real, and have relaxed into retirement. I would not exchange the aches and pains of my body for the mental/ emotional/ spiritual aches and pains of my youth and young adult life. Oh, no, no, no, no...never. :confused:

I look around me at all the pain and fear the young people of today have to face on a daily basis...drugs, AIDS, terrorism, children killing children, global warming, economic insecurity, and I feel for them. I know that is not all there is to life, that there are lots of positives, it just seems that the negatives are becoming more dangeous. I'm not trying to be preachy, but it seems as God gets pushed into the background, so grow the negatives. Oh well, just a thought.

Ok - this is what I have created lately




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I write down intriguing questions I read, controversial statement made by others, and lots of odd thoughts that cannot be put into my ramblings on the forum. It seems that the list has become a hot bed and I cannot write about a lot of things on here as well cause this is probably just as public and can be more than just tedious and boring...it could be hurtful...never my intention of course.

I've thought about this a lot and if anyone does take the time to read this, please understand, I don't know you and can not temper my words to adjust to your particular circumstance and mean you no harm if I ever touch on a subject that causes pain or anger or other strong emotion.

Some things are playing havoc with my emotions, many people are going through really tough times. Last week there were brush fires that destroyed home after home... devastating the lives of hundreds of families. Fires set purposely by a person to satisfy an urge or a whim I can not understand.

Natural disasters. Earthquakes have killed thousands, some still buried under the rubble. Children in schools, people in buildings, caught unawares. Stories of quakes to come following a cyclical hundred year pattern. Tornadoes ripping through towns and cities leaving trails of destruction and death behind.

Financial chaos insidiously winding through our nation. I walked into a craft store that was closing. The employee courageously coping with the fact that in a few short days or weeks, she would not have even this minimum wage job to survive. All I could say was, I will pray for you. My heart broke for her as I walked out empty handed.

I have always had a job, sometimes two... a full-time plus a part-time and other times two part-times to make one full-time. I have never been without employment. I am blessed. I have run out of money faster than the debts to be paid...but PTL have always had some food on the table, some times more than others and a roof over my head. I humbly repeat I am blessed.

When I was growing up, poor by most US standards, I was well fed but wore hand-me-downs, we did not suffer unduly, we went without, lots of people did. It was ok. There were "hobos", tramps, adults who had "problems". The problem existed then, will probably always exist...but mothers living in cars with their children...I cannot recall that being a common, recognizable problem prior to this generation.

I have no idea how to fix all that is wrong and unacceptable. A good portion of our nation will survive happy and unaware of the struggle the afflicted will be going through. Quite convinced that if "they" really wanted it, "they" could be happy and living the American dream. Never imagining that...there, but for the grace of God, go I.

My heart is heavy because so many are suffering around the world, and in my country so many more will be struggling for years to come to regain a modicum of prosperity.

2178/32/68

Around six years ago I walked into a bead store found my way to a display of Swarovski crystals, and what had been a short lived fling with beads on stretchy stuff back in the 80s, turned into a serious love affair. The sparkle, the twinkle, the awesome array of colors to tickle the senses. Hooked, instantly and irrevocably.

It started with a few innocent Christmas gifts. Then a new bracelet or earrings for the new outfits. Simple stringing attempts, then I eventually started working with seed beads which led to peyote which let to cubes. An amateurish attempt at polymer clay...painted with nail polish...cause I had blues, greens, reds, purple, browns, sparkled, pinks, oranges, gold and silver, and I had to cover that hideous gray or brown over cooked or undercooked or burnt beads I produced. Short lived and frustrating to be sure. I'm sure my kitchen was the equivalent of a toxic dump site with all the burning clay that was going on.

I look back at those first projects and am horrified now. Well along the way, and thanks to jewelry forums, I picked a lot of good useful information. Now a day, I do not burn the polymer and have learned to combined colors, make canes, and have put away the nail polishes. Whew. Have learned a great deal about wire wrapping, chain maille, and most recently am dabbling in resin. Gonna buy my first jewelers saw and blades...I see lots of band aids in my future.

One of the things I have taken an interest in (which I swore I would never do) is photography...more precisely taking pictures of my jewelry. Totally impractical since I do not sell on line, but I am going to go camera hunting. This is scary cause I hate to read and manuals these days are like reading War and Peace...in a foreign language. You're lucky if you understand a word or two per paragraph.

I don't know about other people but if I manage to get to a point where I am starting to get some results...it starts to cost money. One of these days, I am going to have to put some effort into selling this stuff. That is fodder for a whole new post.

Oh, here's my latest resin project. I like it...a lot. Maple Leaf:



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